Corner of Yesterday
by speedfanatic05
Summary: He didn't know what hurt worst- reliving the past or hurtling toward a future filled with emptiness. Roy x Fem!Ed


Rating: T

Genre: Hurt/Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters.

A/N: Yes, first story of the New Year is angst. I couldn't help it, had to get this out before I started back on my current stories. I hope you enjoy just the same!

A/N: Inspired in part by the song "Yesterday" by Atmosphere.

 **Corner of Yesterday**

 _One step in front of the other, inhale then let it go._

That mantra ran through Roy's mind as he meandered down the streets of Central towards home, oblivious to the citizens that crowded either side of him. As usual, he'd opted to take the scenic route from the office, electing to enjoy what was left of the day, much to the chagrin of Hawkeye. She'd expressed her displeasure with his decision, even going as far as to offer to accompany on his walkabout. He'd politely declined, _as usual_ , and grabbed his coat slipping it on as he gave a brief backwards glance to his team. There had been a sort of forced resignation in their eyes as they watched him, their gaze burning a hole in his back as he beat feet out of the office. They were worried about him but didn't want to overstep the boundary he'd firmly set in the beginning. He wasn't some charity case that needed coddling; he was merely nursing a broken heart. There were no words that could be said to bring him back from the precipice of the darkened abyss.

Those days of comfort were long gone.

The day after _she_ left, he'd listened to their well-intended offers to grab a drink, saw their pained expressions when the clock chimed a certain hour and she hadn't exploded into the office and relented. It took a couple of weeks but he'd had it with their attempts to alleviate the loss. Their presence, the pressure to be who he'd been weighed him down and he found that he'd loathed spending any lengths of time with them. _She_ would always be there, hiding in the shadows of his thoughts, echoes of her haunting him. He tolerated as much as he could, knowing that he still had to work with the team he'd handpicked, knowing they wanted nothing more than to help him out of this rut.

It wasn't long before Roy had taken to coming and leaving early in the hopes that those lecherous memories would be snuffed out without a catalyst to burn by but he'd been mistaken. It wasn't only the office or the team, but life itself had become a beacon to his despondency. She'd been an integral part of his life for so long that the things he'd taken for granted had suddenly reminded him of her. Edaline hadn't been the most romantic of lovers but the sight of her bathed in the fading sunlight, or the sound of her all too rare laughter had been enough to take his breath away on more than one occasion.

Which was why he'd decided to take everything one step, one breath at a time. He'd made the mistake of believing he had the future – their future- in the palm of his hand. He'd foolishly spent hours on the unnecessary, and countless more engaged in a war of wits with Ed, not knowing that one day, she'd one day put the bad and the good behind her. If someone were to tell him that Ed would pack up every memory, every thought, and every desire and deck the door, he would've laughed at them and then soundly kicked their ass. Yeah, they'd have their rows and then they'd make up in the most passionate, fiery way possible.

Roy exhaled as he continued down the street, allowing his thoughts to venture closer to the shadows. Thinking of Ed was painful. Her luminous golden eyes still held him captive after all this time, that devious smirk igniting a smoldering fire from deep within. Since they'd started on their separate paths, Roy had been reminded of their nonsensical conversations, their often heated back and forth about alchemy and found himself smiling. If nothing, Ed had been an interesting lover; never one to play coy, she never hesitated to take him to task and very rarely fell for his charms. It was refreshing that she held no fear of him; that she took him, his hubris, and his haughtiness and simply loved _him_. He'd been more than The Flame Alchemist to her, more than Colonel Mustang. No, to her, he was merely a man, Roy Mustang, bastard extraordinaire. That had been worth more than any accolades he could've possibly garnered throughout his military career.

He exhaled heavily just as he lifted his eyes and caught a glimpse of wisps of golden blond as it passed on the opposite sidewalk .It whipped in the slight breeze, covering her face briefly before she'd lifted her hand to slip the errant strands behind her ear. She'd been talking to someone else, her golden eyes closed as a tuft of laughter escaped her lips. Roy kept his eyes on her as she continued on her way, oblivious to him or his silent stare. His voice struggled past the lump lodged in his throat and he nearly raised his hand to call her attention as he altered his path. There was no way it could be Ed; she'd left him, without explanation, more than a year ago.

His brow furrowed as he looked again and saw the long blond hair cascading down her back and shook his head. He was hallucinating, had to be. The path that he'd erroneously believed that they would walk together was now overgrown with deadened weeds. She was gone and she wasn't coming back.

He had to face that reality, despite his desperate attempts to do otherwise. Leaving him was the best lesson she'd taught him.

* * *

 _One foot in front of the other…_

The sun shone brightly as Roy walked the well-worn path to his destination, his heart heavy in his chest. He'd risen early even though it wasn't necessary, the warmth and burnished gold of the rising sun greeting him, pulling him out of the doldrums of yet another night spent in the throes of a never ending nightmare. He'd arrived home the day before; his mind filled with memories of Ed laughing, Ed spewing a fountain of expletives as only she would do or his favorite- Ed at the height of desire. Even now, as he made his way up the hill, he paused and clutched his chest, his heart fluttering lightly as he looked toward the horizon. Without her, he couldn't revisit the passions that only lived in his memories, revel in the trust forged through fire.

No, their last day together had been concrete, final, a devastating end to everything beautiful. He didn't know what hurt worst- reliving the past or hurtling toward a future filled with emptiness. Either way, he was living in hell, unable to reconcile. There'd been a time that he'd proudly proclaimed his dreams while she humored him, listening with a knowing smirk. It was hard coming here, feeling the overwhelming loss that accompanied him, yet, he'd taken a step, one foot in front of the other.

Soon he found himself where he wanted to be and exhaled heavily as he plopped down. A small smile emerged on his lips as he reached forward, his fingertips tracing the etchings of her name on the cold marble. He tried to keep the tears at bay, scowling as his vision began to waver. For a moment, he hated her, hated that she'd ever been in his life- hated that she'd left him to navigate this world out of the corner of yesterday. It never lasted though; after a beat of silence, the words would come, cracked and full of emotion. Today was no different.

"Hey," he croaked as he sniffled, running his arm over his eyes. He sighed and placed the small bouquet of flowers at the base of the tombstone, reflecting on how she would've reamed him for the simplistic, yet ridiculously romantic expression. A mirthless laugh escaped his lips as he crossed his legs and leaned forward as if preparing to embrace her.

Instead, he gazed at her name and spoke softly, his voice now matching his watery eyes, "Was that you yesterday, Ed? I swear it looked just like you..."

End


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